What's Your Ring Name?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
What's Your Ring Name?
Image: RichVintage / E+ / Getty Images

About This Quiz

Professional wrestling has been around for nearly a century. Its roots are in traditional Greco-Roman wrestling, but also in circus strongmen, sideshow geeks, and comic book superheroes. Pro wrestling as we think of it today really took shape under the auspices of what is now called the WWE. In the 1970s and 1980s, the WWE (then the WWF) consolidated the regional wrestling shows under its umbrella, and in the early 2000s, stomped out its few remaining competitors, including the absorption of Ted Turner's WCW. In that time, the art of character creation flourished. Wrestling characters are flamboyant, larger than life and reflected in their ring names.

Some of the most memorable wrestlers are remembered because of their great ring names. Sergeant Slaughter was cool enough to get his own G.I. Joe figurine. Hulk Hogan's identity was so strong that he had to change his name to Hollywood Hulk Hogan when he joined the heels in the New World Order (NWO). Maven's name spoke to his religious and ethnic identity. Gold Dust's name was the summation of his entire aesthetic.

Let's get into the ring. We'll put you through some basic tests that will determine the kind of wrestler you'd be and what your identity would be. From that we will determine your ring name, so you can go learn some "rastling" and try out for Vince McMahon. Just remember, once you're in the NWO, brother, you're in the NWO 4 life!

When you enter the arena, what sort of music would play?
Industrial metal
Church organ music
Bach
Hip hop

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Which of these statements are you likely to make after a match you won?
GRAWR!
I will come for you all!
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
USA! USA! USA!

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When do you plan to retire from pro wrestling?
Never
At 35
At 40
When I make the jump to the big screen

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What kind of fanfare would signal your entrance?
Red sparklers and red strobes
The whole arena would go dark and I would rise out of a pit, surrounded by smoke.
A catwalk would project on the ground from the entrance to the ring, and I would strut the catwalk to techno.
Pyrotechnics and a remix of "Stars and Stripes Forever"

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What signs of an injury will you bear throughout your career?
A nasty scar
Wraps on my elbows
None
A knee brace

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How would you approach the ring?
On all fours
I would move without walking, on a slider hidden in fog.
I would saunter to the ring.
I would march and salute the crowds.

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What foreign object would you favor in a fight in the ring?
Folding chair
Casket
Measuring tape
Step ladder

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How might you go after opponents outside of the ring?
Ambush them in their cars
Appear at the foot of their beds in their dreams
Lock them in their changing rooms
Ambush them while they're making a statement to the ringside announcer

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What sort of other wrestler would be your buddy?
Mick Foley
Raven
Scott Steiner
Ric Flair

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In a group of wrestlers, what role would you play?
The crazy one
The scary one
The cool one
The leader

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If you had just won a major match and a group of wrestlers friendly to your opponent were to surround the ring, what would you do?
Fight them until I cannot fight anymore
Disappear with the belt in a puff of smoke
Challenge them, one by one
Admonish them for poor sportsmanship

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Which of these circumstances would you most easily be able to turn to your advantage?
Cage match
Mud match
Dinner table match
Sand pit match

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What sort of person would accompany you to the ring?
No one
Ronda Rousey
Trish Stratus
My manager

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How substantial would your wrestling outfit be?
A unitard
Rags
Full suit of clothes
Briefs

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With what group of wrestlers would you consider aligning yourself?
Wild men
No one
The grown-ups
Heroic types

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How would you style your hair?
Messy, cut in a random way
Shaved on one side, long on the other
Short back and sides
Crew cut

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What would you wear while approaching the ring before the actual match?
A leather straight jacket
A cloak
A greatcoat and top hat
A bomber jacket

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What would you do in the ring before beginning a match?
Sniff around
Stand in the middle, eyes closed, then snapped open
Run my finger along the ropes, then complain to the ref about the dust
Lead the crowd in a chant

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How would you really rub it in when you won?
Pour a liquid of some kind on my defeated opponent
Add another mark to the huge number of marks on my left arm, as if counting victories
Take a selfie with my unconscious opponent
Drape a flag on my fallen opponent

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How dirty are you willing to play?
Fairly clean
Fairly dirty
I will do anything to win, even something dirty.
I'll keep it completely clean.

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In which weight division would you fit?
Heavyweight
Light Heavyweight
Middleweight
Junior Heavyweight

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Which of these catchphrases would you consider?
"You frighten no one!"
"Make peace with your god."
"You dress like a peasant."
"I'm gonna roll up my sleeves and roll you out of the ring!"

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How likely would you flip and either go heel or go hero?
It will definitely happen.
The odds are slim.
I'd put the odds at 50/50.
It won't ever happen.

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Would you want to make movies under the auspices of the WWE?
I wouldn't mind a small role.
Not at all
Only if they aren't just more sequels to "The Marine"
Of course!

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How likely is it you'll change personas at some point in your wrestling career?
Very likely
Fairly unlikely
Totally unlikely
Fairly likely

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Do you have an eye on becoming part of the management of your wrestling organization?
No, never
Perhaps, but not not in a way that compromises my identity.
Of course!
Only so I can quit.

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What would you say when approached for comment after a loss?
I'd grunt.
"Time remains."
"The truth is rarely pure, and never simple."
"One day at a time, brother. The cream will rise to the top."

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What would you do in the immediate aftermath of winning a match?
Pound my chest
Make a quasi-religious gesture
Straighten up my clothes while looking in a mirror
Flex

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What's the most extreme stunt you'd be willing to pull?
Jump off a multi-story high cage
Get slammed through a flaming table
Get thrown out of the ring
Have a pile driver done to me on cement

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How would you describe your physique as a wrestler?
Football player
Wiry but muscular
Athletic but not huge
Huge muscles everywhere

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You Got: