What Kind of Evil Are You?

About This Quiz

If you're taking this quiz, you're probably evil and proud of it. If you're not, don't worry — we have carefully calibrated it to ensure that there will be no false positives. Not all types of evil suit all personalities, and if you're dedicating your life to evil, you should make sure you don't waste your talent on doing the wrong kind. It would be a shame to squander your evildoing potential!

For example, if you are a corporate lawyer at an evil corporation, it's important not to bully your coworkers. Sure, bullying is evil, and we appreciate the effort. But think how much more evil you could accomplish if you were to collaborate with and inspire your coworkers instead. You could make Jane from accounting cry. But picture a highly-motivated Jane, offshoring profits so the workers don't get a fair cut, or shredding invoices that prove your clients leaked carcinogens into the groundwater of a small Midwestern town.

Similarly, if you are short on money, connections, or dark superpowers, you should probably focus your evil on the people you meet day-to-day. You're never going to have your hollowed-out volcano, so it's time to be realistic and focus on what you can control. You can't make California fall into the sea like Lex Luthor. Maybe you CAN make Jenny in your yoga class feel insecure about her looks until she stops coming, thus robbing her of a hobby she loves and reducing the total of joy in the world. To borrow a phrase from showbiz, there is no small evil, only small villains.

Fortunately, we've constructed this quiz to help you identify where your evil self can shine. Let's get started!