What Kind of Animal Are You Before You've Had Your Morning Coffee?

By: Steven Miller
Estimated Completion Time
7 min
What Kind of Animal Are You Before You've Had Your Morning Coffee?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Whether you could best be described as moody, clumsy, or completely out of it, we're going to pair you up with an animal that best embodies your pre-coffee self.
Has anyone ever said that they walk on pins and needles around you in the morning?
I don't think that really applies to me.
Yes, I get that all the time. People are kind of freaked if I haven't had my coffee.
Only because they don't want to disturb my sleep-walking.
Maybe a little, but mostly because they don't want to startle me.

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Have you ever broken something prior to your morning cup of coffee?
I have broken so many things. I'm not allowed to touch anything until after my coffee.
I think this has happened once before to me.
Yes, I'm known for my wake of destruction.
I can't remember a time that I have broken something.

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How moody are you before the caffeine kicks in?
I really am a nightmare of moodiness.
Is sleepy a mood?
I'm not really in any kind of mood, I'm just moving slower than usual.
I'm definitely grumpy, there's no doubt about that.

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Is it hard for you to even move before your cup of joe?
Yes. It feels like work to do anything.
Not once I get moving, but that's where I have difficulty.
Yes, I'm definitely more awkward than usual.
Not really. I'm always a force to be reckoned with.

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Does everything feel like it is in slow-motion before you've had your coffee?
Maybe a little bit, but it's really like no-motion.
Not at all. I'm at full-speed right away.
It's more like walking into a club with the strobe lights on.
Totally, that is a perfect explanation for how my mornings are.

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Does it seem like people avoid you until you have a cup of coffee in your hand?
Yeah, I'm definitely a mess.
Maybe a little bit, but I'm not mean or anything.
I would't say that. It's more like everyone gathers around to try to wake me up.
Yes, but to be fair, people even avoid me after I've had the cup of coffee.

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Do you feel like you are sleep-walking prior to having caffeine?
A little bit, I'm definitely moving in a lower gear.
Not at all. I'm totally fired up.
That's pretty much my morning.
My mind is fairly awake, but my body is catching up.

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How regularly do you lose your temper first thing in the morning?
Once in a while.
Never.
All the time. Mornings are the worst.
Very rarely.

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Are you cute or intimidating before your cup of joe?
I'm totally intimidating. Watch out!
I'm totally cute and cuddly.
I'm pretty cute, but in more of a comedic and awkward way.
I'm pretty intimidating, but I have a bit of a sweet side too.

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How would you feel if you didn't get your morning coffee?
I'll set my expectations much lower for the day.
I'd consider just calling it a day and going back to bed then and there.
I would likely be grumpy and out of it most of the day.
Angry, very angry.

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How clumsy are you when you first get out of bed?
I can barely put one foot in front of the other.
Not at all.
I'm unbelievably clumsy. It's like my brain and body haven't gotten on the same page yet.
I'm not really clumsy, it just takes me longer to do everything.

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Do you completely forget things people say to you before your coffee?
That doesn't really sound like me.
I might forget a few details, but not the whole thing.
It's pretty common for me to have no memory of events before my coffee.
Nope, I'm as sharp as a tack.

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How regularly do you say things that you later regret before your first sip?
Hardly ever.
All the time.
Never.
It happens pretty regularly.

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How often do you find yourself still dreaming while you make your way to the coffee pot?
That's pretty rare. I harder ever remember my dreams.
Oh yeah, I'm in La-La Land.
Nah, I'm wide awake.
It happens once in a while.

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How long after you wake up before you take your first sip of coffee?
I have it on a timer to be made for me right when I wake up.
Are we measuring from the first or the last hitting of the snooze button?
It'll be a few hours, at least.
Within an hour of waking up.

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Do you drink your first cup of coffee at home, on the way to work or at work?
At work.
It depends on the day.
On the way to work.
At home.

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How many cups of coffee a day do you drink?
Just one.
More than three.
Three.
One or two.

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Do you have difficulty forming a coherent sentence first thing in the morning?
That happens once in a while.
Sometimes things can get a little jumbled.
Sometimes words no good. Hamburger.
This is not an issue that I really have had a problem with.

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How tempting is it for you to just go back to bed until you have your first sip of coffee?
It's pretty tempting, but I just keep moving...kind of.
Nope, once I'm up, I'm up.
It's really a miracle that I ever get up at all.
Maybe for that first minute or so, but once my feet hit the floor, I'm up.

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How many items in your home no longer work because you used them before your first sip?
I have lost count of the things that I ruined because I used them the wrong way in the morning.
I might have messed something up once or twice.
None. Everything works just fine, thank you.
I'm messed up a few things over the years.

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Have you set up your kitchen with your morning clumsiness in mind?
Not at all.
No, but I have a lot of bright lights in there to wake me up.
Maybe a little bit. The coffee pot is front and center.
Yep, it's very open and everything has rounded edges.

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How do you think those close to you regard you before your morning caffeine?
Pick up the pace, buddy.
Are they awake yet?
This could get ugly.
What a jerk.

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How accurate is the word "cuddly" in relation to you before your morning cup of joe?
It fits me perfectly.
It's about as far from accurate as you can get.
You'd have to catch me on a very docile day.
I suppose there are some days where that fits.

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Do you think those around you are scared of you before you have your caffeine?
Maybe not totally scared, but they are wary.
They might be some days.
Nah, I'm as sweet as can be.
They are shaking in their boots.

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Do you have a sign or coffee mug that states no one should talk to you before your coffee?
I have a sign.
I have both.
I don't have either.
I have a mug.

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What's the worst thing you've done because you hadn't had your coffee yet?
I caused a big accident.
I slept through an important event.
I'd rather not mention it. It was that bad.
I offended someone who didn't think I cared enough.

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How do you feel when there's only decaf?
Irritated beyond belief. I hate that orange pot.
Maybe I'll just take a nap.
Meh, it's fine.
I'm likely to stomp around a bit.

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How big is your usual coffee cup?
It's the usual size, but I don't fill it up all the way.
It's smaller than other people's mugs.
It's the average size.
It's way bigger than most.

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Do you ever drink coffee to help you go to sleep?
No way, it would keep me up all night.
I do that all the time.
I have done that before.
I've never even thought about doing that.

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What's the longest you've ever gone without a cup of coffee since you started drinking it?
I didn't have coffee for a week one time.
I've skipped coffee for a few months.
I've gone years without coffee.
I missed a day once. It was awful.

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