The Ultimate Sarcastic Parenting Quiz

Estimated Completion Time
6 min
The Ultimate Sarcastic Parenting Quiz
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About This Quiz

This quiz will be able to tell you, definitively, whether or not you’re a good parent. Answer these 25 questions and find out how much money you should be socking away for your children’s future therapy!
How much attention should you pay a child?
You should pay zero attention to any child.
You should only pay attention to male children.
You should only pay attention to female children.
You should individualize your attention based on your child’s needs and your own time and needs.
Everyone's needs and abilities are different and they can change from day-to-day or sometimes even hour-to-hour, when it comes to parenting. Take care of yourself and your kiddos as best you can given what they need in the moment and what you're able to give.

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If children express remorse, as a parent, you should:
Make fun of them.
Ignore them.
Employ every negative reinforcement technique you know.
Express forgiveness and love.
Encourage empathy but reacting supportively when your child expresses remorse.

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Your toddler is hungry and won’t sit quietly. The best parental reaction is to:
Open a beer for your child, making sure to serve it in a sippy cup.
Tell him or her they’re adopted and you want nothing to do with them ever again.
Complain about your child loudly to anyone nearby.
Revisit your expectations for what’s appropriate for a toddler. Consider a snack and some active time to burn off excess energy.
Kids have their own unique personalities, strengths, and weaknesses. Where they're at developmentally will vary too. Make sure you're keeping your expectations realistic.

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You want to instill in your children a love of reading, therefore you:
Never visit a library.
Hide books from them.
Use reading as a punishment.
Read and enjoy books with your children, and make sure your child sees you reading too.
Showing your love of reading is the best way for kids to learn to love reading.

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When your children speak to you, it’s important to:
Never look up from the Candy Crush game you're currently playing on your mobile phone.
Interrupt and explicitly tell them, "You're not important enough for me to listen to."
Tell them to come back later. Repeat each time they come back later.
Actively listen, looking directly at them and making it clear that what they have to say is important to you.
Make eye contact and actively listen to a child that's talking with you so they can learn the right way to interact with others based on your example.

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Demonstrating unconditional love for your child is:
Stupid.
Unnecessary.
Illogical.
Very important and nurturing.
All parents can and should demonstrate unconditional love for their children, even if, and perhaps especially if, their behavior is not ideal.

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Family communication:
Is totally overrated.
Leads to children developing sociopathic tendencies.
Isn't always easy, but it is a priority if you want to be an effective parent.
Communicating as a family is vital to healthy child development.

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When negotiating with a child, a good parent will:
Be as underhanded and dishonest as humanly possible.
Practice the silent treatment.
Swear loudly and angrily.
Always treat the child with kindness and respect.
Negotiating is an unavoidable part of parenting and remaining sane. Tackle it smartly and kindly.

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One useful parenting tactic is:
Teaching your child how to steal.
Neglecting the importance of education.
Offering children clear choices to help guide them.
Choices are an excellent strategy to have in your parenting tool kit. It guides children while encouraging their independence.

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A large part of your job as a parent is to:
Avoid your child as much as possible.
Never show affection towards your child.
Teach your child what is needed to become a productive and responsible adult.
A difficult but beautiful part of any parent's job is helping their child mature into strong, kind adults.

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When it comes to buying items for your child, a good parent will:
Spend your last cent on material items and unnecessary gifts.
Never introduce your child to the concepts of buying things or money. It's not relevant to them now and won't be in the future either.
Decide what will work best for you: as a parent, as one of the heads of your family, and as a person trying to raise a caring child.
Wise parents are intentional about the number of toys that children are given -- not too much, not too little.

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Teaching kids to help and be kind is:
Unreasonable.
A waste of time.
Cowardly.
An important parental duty.
Kids want to help. As parents, it's our job to nurture and guide a child's natural inclination to pitch in so it becomes a lifelong habit.

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A whiny child is a sign of:
Your complete failure as a parent.
Your complete success as a parent.
Many possibilities but most likely it's a child's tactic to get attention or as for something.
Kids whine for a very simple reason: it works. Whining gets parents' attention. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that the child is likely not trying to be irritating but may actually be asking for help.

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Getting your kids to listen is:
So easy.
Impossible. Resign yourself to repeating instructions or requests a minimum of 15 times.
A struggle sometimes.
Listening can be a tough life skill for children to learn. There are a variety of strategies parents can use like empowering kids with information, giving choices, stating expectations. This takes practice on the part of both parents and children.

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If your child complains of boredom, you should:
Freak out. A bored child has never happened in the history of children and it's obviously something to panic about.
Berate yourself. As a parent, you are responsible for never letting your children become bored.
Do nothing. Boredom can be good for kids!
Let your kids be bored! Their identities emerge when they are left to their own devices. They pick up a pencil and draw or go out in the backyard. They follow their own dreams and thoughts. The activity will be self-directed and will foster self-direction.

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When it comes to parenting, trusting your gut can be smart.
Yes. You should never try to learn new parenting skills or seek advice or support from trusted friends and family.
No way. The worst thing you could possibly do as a parenting is to trust your own instincts.
No. What works for one child will naturally work just as well for all children.
Yes. Your intentions are good and in an effort to make the best choices for your child, you should trust your gut.
Everyone's got an opinion, especially when it comes to raising children, but keep in mind that no one knows your child better than you do, so trust your instincts.

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Establishing family traditions is:
Useless.
Selfish.
Hopeless.
Special and fun.
Family traditions are an excellent, and fun, way to engage your children.

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Deciding how many children to have is:
A ridiculous exercise. Obviously all families should have exactly two children, no more, no less.
A ridiculous exercise. Having children in the first place is selfish and wrong.
A ridiculous exercise. Families with less than 12 children are selfish and wrong.
A highly personal decision to be made within your own family based on what's right for you.
This can be a difficult question to answer and is very personal.

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Which of the following is an example of effective parenting?
Leaving your 7 year old child alone with only a television for 7 days while you go on a beach vacation in another state.
Instilling fear and terror into your 5 year old daughter after she accidentally spills water in the kitchen.
Encouraging your 3 year old son to practice independence by dropping him off in a strange neighborhood miles away and expecting him to find his way home on his own.
Loving your child and doing your best as a parent.
Effective parenting comes in all shapes and forms. If you love your child and do your best as a parent, then it's very likely you'll be an effective parent.

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When it comes to praise, children, and parenting:
Put your kids on a pedestal and praise them constantly.
Avoid it completely. Any praising of children will turn them into snobby jerks.
Quality of praise is more important than the quantity. Praise should be sincere, genuine, and focused on the effort not the outcome.
There's no secret formula to praise, and experts say understanding the when, where, and how of praising is an important tool in raising confident kids with a healthy sense of self-esteem.

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Which of the following is an important factor to keep in mind when dealing with young children and challenging behavior?
Keep in mind that it's easy to force your child to do anything - eat, sleep, talk, or stop having a tantrum.
Match your child's behavior and act as out-of-control as they are.
Never show empathy or validate your child's feelings.
Set limits and provide acceptable choices.
Young children are driven by emotions, not logic, so irrational behavior is normal and to be expected.

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Which of the below is a sound strategy to help foster independence in children?
Let children, especially those under age 4, make every single decision on their own.
Ensure your child has absolutely zero privacy, even as they mature into their teenage years.
Offer choices and solicit your child’s preferences for toys and activities.
There are lots of ways to promote self-determination for kids. The key is to create opportunities where your child can feel happy, safe, and free within the world around him.

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One of the best ways to help your child learn and grow in a healthy way is:
Constantly criticize.
Label and pigeonhole as often as possible.
Expect perfection from your child in all aspects.
Avoid comparisons.
When your neighbor's 8-month old son is babbling up a storm but your daughter is 9 months and still silent, it's hard to avoid comparisons but it's more important to consider who your child is.

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The parenting principle of "picking your battles" is:
Silly.
Useless.
An incredible useful strategy to use at times.
Knowing when to kick up a fuss and when to lay low is a huge parent sanity saver.

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When devising consequences and punishments, a good parent will:
Force children to sit in an empty bathtub for the rest of the child's entire living life.
Be as inconsistent as possible in order to keep children on their toes at all times.
Decide an appropriate consequence based on the situation and your child's unique needs.
Many parents find consequences tricky, and for good reason! When you’re giving a child a consequence, it’s important to make it flow naturally from the child’s choice or action so they can learn to make a better choice in the future.

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