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About This Quiz
Are you ready to take this quiz? No, really. Really? Okay. Okay. Right. Hold my beer a second while I get this set up for you. Right. So we're gonna make some decisions, okay? Alright? And you're going to choose the outcomes. And then we're going to reveal your ulti-hick!-ultimate destiny.Advertisement
Did she just look at you?
Of course she did!
Yeah, she's looking at me.
She's looking right at me, bro.
She's undressing me with her eyes, bro.
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What are you gonna say?
Wanna hear all my opinions?
Wanna go for a walk?
What do you think about the things I just said?
Can I buy you 10 shots of tequila?
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Then what?
I'll dazzle her with my political thoughts.
I'll show her the beauty of the road.
I'll show her my big brain.
I'll show her pictures of my family.
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What game are we playing?
You think this is a game?!
Mumblety-peg
Beer pong, obviously.
Poker. Stop showing your hand.
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What do you want to get for the second round?
Rum and coke!
Vodka, comrade!
Ale, me matey!
Gimme a brewski, broheim!
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Where are we?
Beats me. Is this a microphone? Hello! Hello! Testing, 1, 2, 3...
It looks like an abandoned VA hospital to me.
I think it's a bar. What kind? No idea.
From the looks of it, nowhere good.
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Where do we put the body?
I rented a wood chipper and took care of things in that indoor garage.
Here's your shovel back. Thanks.
What do you think all that lime was for?
Body? What body? ... Have you tried this jerky?
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How did we wind up in Reno?
I must have paid for those tickets that old woman offered us in Houston...
You don't remember when we sat on the bumper of that pickup and fell asleep?
We must have teleported here.
I have no idea, bro.
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Is that a police car behind us?
No. Hit the gas!
Yes, I think so. Should we pull over?
Yes. How many horses you got in this thing?
No, you're just paranoid. Now hit the gas!
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Where did you get this baggie, sir?
Uh, I'm holding it for... that guy! Right there!
I found it on the ground. What is it? Rock salt?
I made it by mixing Tylenol with glue!
This baggie? I have no idea.
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A guy in a roadhouse offers you a ride. Do you take it?
No, I don't want to get murdered.
Sure! Will he take me to the state line?
Does he have room for my friends? If so, yeah!
Sure, I like the look of that bloody ax he has in the back seat.
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We're out of money! How are we going to get back home?
I'll call in a favor with the bouncer from... what was that bar called?
Let's ride the rails.
I can hotwire a car from a used lot until we get near home and then we can jump on public transport.
These shoes are made for walkin'.
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Where did all this cash come from?
This? Oh! I must have won it at blackjack.
I have no idea, but it's mine.
I sold an idea for a TV show to some dude in a bar.
It fell off a truck.
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You're broke at a casino and some sketchy dude offers you credit. Do you take it?
No, I'll just dip into my kids' college fund.
Nah, I just panhandle a few bucks outside.
Yes, but only if it's for blackjack.
What's the worst thing that could happen?
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Someone offers you a job as ambassador to Monaco. Want it?
Sure! I love the President and will represent his will!
No way! Monaco is full of rich jerks.
Sure! Let me just pack some things...
What a coincidence! I have some air miles to use.
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You are drunk and some stranger offers you a job. You have to make a resume but you don't have your computer. What do you do?
I go to a library and ask to use their computer.
I write it out on a napkin.
I refer them to my LinkedIn profile, then scramble to make one using my phone.
I tell him I'd rather not have the job if they're gonna disrespect me with such a request.
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You're stuck without a bathroom in London, in the middle of the night. What do you do?
I go to a hotel and ask where the bar is, then I use the bathroom there.
I find a convenient alleyway.
I find a car, put my right hand on it, and urinate on the rear left wheel.
I just go when no one is looking.
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Dude! You lost your passport! What now?
I call the embassy.
I just hitch a ride across the border.
I forge one.
I go to the border with another ID and hope for the best.
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You've just awakened in the back of an interstate bus. You don't know where it's going. You're alone. The bus driver does not speak English. What do you do?
I scream and scream and scream.
I climb out of the emergency exit and leap into the road.
I write "help" on a piece of paper and hold it to a window as cars pass.
I go back to sleep.
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Some guy in uniform offers you a bunch of money to participate in government medical research. Do you take it?
No way, Jose!
Sure! I could use the cash.
Can I help in some other way?
Where does this involve me going?
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You come out of your haze standing in front of Elvis in a wedding chapel, a stripper (male or female) by your side. Everyone turns to you as though they expect you to say something. What do you say?
I do!
Uh, where's the bathroom?
How do you get your hair like that?
Who are you?
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Where did that roll of $10K come from?
I'm just holding it for a friend. Where'd he go?
I have no idea, but now I'm rich! Rich, I say!
Quarks can just for into matter for reasons we don't understand.
It must have fallen out of the sky!
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Want to do some shots now?
Shots! Shots! Shots! Shots!
I'll just sip from my hip flask, thanks.
I'll do one.
Did you just say that or was that a voice in my brain?
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You are offered a flaming Doctor Pepper. Do you take it?
Of course I take it! The flame is the symbol of American freedom!
I'll take it, since it takes me back to road trips with dad...
I'll try it so I can understand why it works.
I'll take two!
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It's 3 a.m. Do you want to go home and catch an hour of sleep before work or power through?
No, the best TV is on right now. I want a hair restoration solution!
No, it's so nice and quiet right now.
No, I can enjoy the stars at this hour.
No, I ain't got no home to go back to no more.
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It's 8 a.m. Are you going to stop drinking and go to work?
I'll just grab a sixer on the way in and sneak a few in the bathroom.
I ain't got no job to go to no more.
I am working! This is work!
No, no, no. I refuse!
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It's 11 a.m. Are you going to finally stop drinking and go to work?
Lemme take this road soda with me, okay?
Okay, okay, just I have to finish my chips...
Okay, maybe, just lemme get one more round...
No! I refuse!
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You wanna fight, bro?
You're damn right I wanna fight!
I don't want to fight you, bro.
I'm a lover not a fighter.
I'll fight you anywhere!
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You Got: