Do You Know Who Said These Lines on “The Office”?


By: Jane Andrews

6 Min Quiz

Image: NBC

About This Quiz

As one of the most beloved comedies in television history, "The Office" is a goldmine when it comes to memorable — and hilarious — quotes. The words of Michael Scott alone could fill up an entire volume of hysterical musings on life, love and what it's like to work at a sleepy paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. For the nine seasons that the show was on the air (and for a whole new generation of fans who have discovered the quirky comedy on Netflix), the catchphrases from "The Office" have become like a second language. From "That's what she said" — a saying now uttered by almost anyone who appreciates a good double entendre — to "Lord, beer me strength," so many lines from the show are used by super fans and casual viewers alike, on what we imagine must be a daily basis.

How sharp is your knowledge of the quotes from "The Office"? Can you guess which character is responsible for saying which hysterical line? This quiz will put what you think you know to the test. As Dwight says in season three, "I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me." Are you ready to face this hardcore who-said-it test? Sit up straight, fix your tie, and answer the following questions to find out!

Can you guess who said, "Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me"?

This oft-quoted Michael Scott line is from the season two episode "The Fight," in which Michael and Dwight have an unorthodox battle at a dojo. Michael wins, but not because he played fair.


"Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls." Who made this unintentionally hilarious statement?

When Michael takes the ladies of the office to the mall in the season three episode "Women's Appreciation," he buys everyone an item from Victoria's Secret. Except for Angela. She's just not having it.


"Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year." Who made this exclamation?

In one of the show's most beloved pranks, Jim waltzes into the office dressed as Dwight, mumbling another classic line, "Bears. Beets. 'Battlestar Galactica.'" Dwight's comment about identity theft is his exasperated response.


Who said, "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted"?

Michael takes the office on a retreat in the season three episode "Beach Games." Because the schedule includes sun-soaking time and a hot dog eating contest, it's Kevin's ideal scenario.


Which flaky character uttered the line, "I talk a lot, so I've learned to tune myself out"?

Kelly makes this comment about herself in the season seven episode "Counseling." Unfortunately for all of the workers who sit near her in the office's back annex, they have to do the same.


Do you know which character admitted, "Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way"?

Michael utters this line in the season five episode "The Duel." He's asked to come to corporate headquarters in New York City to explain the success of his branch to Dunder Mifflin CFO David Wallace.


Do you remember who complained, "If I don't have some cake soon, I might die"?

It's not just Stanley who's in an uproar when Jim, temporarily stepping in as boss for Michael, decides to celebrate the birthdays of Creed, Meredith and Oscar with just one party (and one cake), instead of three. This happens in the season four episode "Survivor Man."


Who said this iconic line? "I feel God in this Chili's tonight."

Pam enjoys herself a little too much in the season two episode "The Dundies." As a result, she's banned for life from the restaurant chain. Poor Pam will just have to miss out on their burgers and baby back ribs.


Can you tell us who said this line? "The worst thing about prison was the Dementors."

In the episode titled "The Convict," which aired during the third season of the show, Michael makes this comment as "Prison Mike," one of his many unintentionally ridiculous characters. Of course, Dementors are from a very different entertainment franchise.


How about the classic line, "Today, smoking is going to save lives." Who said this?

Dwight's attempt to teach the office a lesson about fire safety backfires in this season five episode called "Stress Relief." In addition to giving everyone an awful fright, his antics cause Stanley to have a heart attack.


Do you know who said, "You give me a gift? Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness"?

While he became one of the show's most beloved characters (and this quote from season six shows us why), Andy Bernard did not make his first appearance on the show until season three, in the episode "Gay Witch Hunt." He was Jim's coworker at the Stamford branch.


"I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." Do you recognize this quote?

During the season four episode “Fun Run," Michael believes the office is plagued by a curse because Meredith was hit by a car — which Michael was driving. In addition, Angela's cat Sprinkles died — Dwight euthanized her. Just another day at the office.


Can you guess who said, "If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward"?

This classic Creed line is from the season six episode "Gossip." Though we never find out why Creed is so invested in this underwater diving technique, his earnestness makes us believe it.


Which character mused, "I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame"?

This quote is from the season three episode "Branch Closing," in which it's revealed that the Stamford branch of Dunder Mifflin will be merging with the branch in Scranton. This is how Jim, Andy and Karen all end up working in the same office.


Who shared this tip? "I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine."

Ryan resorts to this technique after Michael had a painful accident in the season two episode "The Injury." What was the injury, you ask? Something only Michael Scott would do — he burned his foot on a George Foreman grill.


"And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year." Who do you think made this complaint?

After revealing that she's got a new cat — and showing her furry friend off via a nanny cam she installed in her home and on her computer at work — Angela expresses this frustration in the season five episode "Lecture Circuit Part 2." Folks at the office are later disturbed by what they see because of that camera.


"You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated." Who made this crazy claim?

Creed shares this funny (and incorrect) fact in the season three episode "Grief Counseling." He also claims that Ed Truck, Michael's former boss, got his head chopped off in a car accident, though in all likelihood this is not true.


Which character said, "Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is 'cause you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers. So give yourselves a round of applause"?

Unfortunately, a batch of paper with an impolite watermark has been distributed, so Dunder Mifflin must go into damage control mode. Kelly makes her statement when she's tasked with training the office accountants, Oscar, Kevin and Angela, to be customer service reps in the season three episode "Product Recall."


What about the line "I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win." Who said it?

While it's clear that Dwight drove Jim crazy during the years they spent working next to each other at Dunder Mifflin, it's also obvious that Jim delighted in annoying Dwight with his clever office pranks.


Who screamed, "Save Bandit!"?

Desperate to save her cat, Bandit, from what she thinks is a fire in the office (thanks, Dwight), Angela throws her cat up to Oscar, who's attempting to escape through the ceiling. Unfortunately, both fall to the floor seconds later.


Who bragged, "I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group Here Comes Treble"?

Andy loved to obnoxiously brag about his alma matter, as he does in the season three episode "Gay Witch Hunt." Fun fact: Ed Helms, who plays Andy, was in an a cappella group in real life when he was a student at Oberlin College. The name of the group? The Obertones.


Which wacky character says, "When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go"?

In this season four episode called "Chair Model," Creed explains why he's so anxious for Michael to buy a new ergonomic chair. We never learn the (likely hilarious) reason why it's so important that he have three.


"Like my mom used to say, 'Talk classy, act nasty.'" Can you tell us who said this?

In the season nine episode titled "Suit Warehouse," Meredith is seen wearing a big black wig. This is because, in the previous episode, she was forced to shave her head after everyone assumed she infested the office with head lice. Turns out, the lice came from Pam's daughter.


"There's too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague." Who made this dark statement?

Dwight expresses his annoyance for much of the human race in "Phyllis' Wedding" from season three. In the episode, Phyllis marries her boyfriend, Bob Vance, of Vance Refrigeration.


"Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum because I'm great at girl talk." Which character said this?

The character of Gabe did not make his first appearance on the show until the season six episode "Sabre." He dressed as Lady Gaga in a season seven episode called "Costume Contest."


"Saddle shoes with denim? I will literally call Child Protective Services." Do you know who said this snarky line?

Oscar makes this comment in the season nine episode "A.A.R.M.," which is the second-to-last episode of the series. He's talking about the unfashionable way he believes Angela dresses her son.


Do you know who said, "I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader"?

Creed imparts this pearl of wisdom in "Fun Run," an episode from season four. It's likely one of the many insights he shares on his blog,, which Ryan pretends to set up for him. In reality, it's just a Word doc.


Who stated, "If you pray enough, you can turn yourself into a cat person"?

While Angela makes this statement in "New Guys," which is the first episode of the show's ninth — and final —season, the character's quirky love of cats is obvious from the beginning of the show. True fans can list over a dozen of Angela's cats by name.


Who said, "No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs … You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there"?

Michael poses this question to Rose, a CPR instructor, while (unsuccessfully) attempting to demonstrate how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation in the season five episode "Stress Relief." In the same episode, Michael revokes Dwight's responsibilities as safety advisor.


"Disposable cameras are fun, but it seems a little wasteful. You never get to see your pictures." Can you tell us who made this observation?

Erin shares this belief in the season seven episode "Counseling." The character of Erin, played by Ellie Kemper, does not make her first appearance in the show until the season five episode "The Michael Scott Paper Company."


"Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will." Who made this outrageous claim?

When Dwight says this in the season one episode "Health Care," Pam asks the obvious follow-up question, "Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?" His response? "So I can lower it."


How about the line, "Oh, you're payin' way too much for your worms, man. Who's your worm guy?" Who said this?

This line is from the season six episode, "Koi Pond," which premiered on October 29, 2009. When it first aired, the episode featured a scene in which Michael turned the warehouse into a haunted house for kids. The scene has since been removed, as it was found to be too upsetting — Michael "pranked" the kids by pretending to hang himself.


Who said, "Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game, and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests,' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it"?

Jim and Pam are tricked into going to Michael's house for dinner in this episode from season five called "Dinner Party." Jim tries to make a break for it by faking a phone call from his landlord telling him his apartment has flooded, but the plot ultimately fails.


Who said this sweet line? "I wish there was a way to know you're in 'the good old days' before you've actually left them"?

Andy says this in the season nine episode "Finale," which is indeed the last episode of the series. He's feeling nostalgic after being reunited with the old office gang to watch the screening of the documentary about the former Dunder Mifflin employees.


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