Can We Guess How Dark Your Soul Is?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
Can We Guess How Dark Your Soul Is?
Image: ImpossiAble/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Popular culture has romanticized the idea of darkness, where it applies to the soul. Far from showing that it is very much a part of us, films like the Star Wars series make "the dark side" seem very alien, and very much separate from who we are and how we live. Most spiritual traditions talk about the darkness of the soul, but while religious imagery was very effective for most people in most of history, today many of its metaphors are less effective and feel cliched. Unlike the time of the ancient Greeks, people today feel open to discussing philosophical concepts without metaphors that came into use only because ancient societies punished people who spoke the truth on these issues.

How often do you weigh your own heart against the feather of truth, as the ancient Egyptians believed would happen in the afterlife? Are you even capable of taking stock of your soul, and seeing yourself clearly for who you are? Don't worry, because help is here. Be honest when you answer our questions, and without religious flourish or fanfare, we will guess the depth of the darkness of your soul. Keep your sense of humor, because any time one looks in the mirror, one needs one. Take the quiz and see how close we get it!

What do you think love is?
Happiness
Life
An illusion
Chemicals

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How do you feel about kids movies billed as "entertaining for the whole family?"
They can be pretty fun!
I adore them!
They're totally stupid, formulaic nonsense.
They're just not for me.

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Which of these animals would you have as a pet?
A parrot
A golden retriever
None
A galago

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What do you like to read for pleasure?
Popular novels
Biographies
Manuals
Religious texts

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How much time do you spend taking stock of your circumstances?
Not much
None
I stew about it every day.
I think about it a couple times a week.

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How would you describe your progress toward your life's goals?
Doing just fine
The future's so bright, I have to wear shades!
The world is a mire of nepotism and inequity.
Every time I reach for them, something pulls them away.

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What are your views on politics?
I don't think much about them.
They're necessary, I guess.
It keeps the personality disorders off the streets.
It's like boxing, only no one says it should stop being a thing.

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How would you describe God?
Hands off
Pretty awesome
Cruel
Nonexistent

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Which do you think is going to be better for you, your past, or your future?
The future, definitely
The present is so nice, I'm happy either way!
The past, obviously
Probably the past

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What is your urge when you see a bed of flowers?
Take a whiff
Lay down in it
Rip it all up
Take a selfie with it

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How many of your friends really know all your secrets?
Only my significant other
2 of them
None. I will take my secrets to the grave.
I don't think any of them do ...

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How many people do you call "friends?"
Anyone, until they prove otherwise
Everyone!
No one
Only a small group

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What is the point of owning a dog?
They're lovely!
They heal your soul and make you live longer
There is no point.
It makes sense if you own a junk yard.

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Why should anyone help strangers who approach them on the street?
You'd want someone to help you, wouldn't you?
Because it's the right thing to do ...?
Don't. Let them pull themselves up by their bootstraps!
Ew! They could be criminals with diseases! Stay away!

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What piece of popular culture best reflects the realities of life?
Modern Family
Cheers
The news
Game of Thrones

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How do you blow off stress after a tough day at work?
I go for a run.
I walk my dog!
I punish a heavy bag at the gym.
I play a violent video game.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your trust in public institutions, like the IRS?
7-They're a necessary evil. I think they're 10.
10-I totally trust them.
1-I don't trust them at all. Anarchy! Anarchy!
3-I trust them as far as I can throw them.

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How do your religious or spiritual beliefs define your relationship to people of other faiths?
I think we're all children of the same God.
I know how other people feel about their religions, because I know how I feel about mine!
My God is the right one, and everyone else is fooling themselves.
Hey, if people want to practice religions that are wrong, it's their business.

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With regard to love, do you believe there's someone out there for everyone?
Probably
Definitely
Absolutely not. Who got you thinking that?
I don't think so.

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What do you think of people who spend a lot of time collecting material things?
I hope it makes them happy.
I hope material things can help those folks make a personal connection with someone, somehow.
He who dies with the most toys wins.
Sounds cool to me.

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What do you think of events like Burning Man?
Looks like fun
A chance for people to climb out of the shell society puts them in
At Burning Man, bankers can pretend their lives are full of meaning.
Not cool anymore

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Who do you think is the hero on Game of Thrones?
Dany
Jon Snow
The Night King
Arya

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Which of these vices is most appealing to you?
Workouts
Puppies
Schadenfreude
Substances

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How do you bond with your closest friend or loved one?
We go on little adventures together.
We plan our lives in equal parts, and take equal responsibility.
We commiserate.
We judge people!

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What is your first thought when you hear a stranger laugh, but you don't know what they are responding to?
What happened?
That person looks happy! That's nice!
Leave me alone.
What a dumb jerk.

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How do you measure your successes?
Against my plans
Against my dreams
In comparison to my friends' and rivals' successes
In comparison to what was demanded of me by my mentors

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What is your number one life's dream?
To live in my dream home
To land my dream job
To rub my successes in my exes' faces
To do better than all my rivals

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What is the best revenge?
Living well
Not feeling the need for revenge anymore
Revenge, hence the name
Spreading subtle rumors

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How do you deal with people you don't like being around?
I get up and leave.
I try to find something to like about them.
I find a way to make them leave.
I get other people to not like them.

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How satisfied are you with your circumstances?
I'm OK with things.
I'm delighted with everything.
I'm thoroughly dissatisfied.
I'm not feeling great about things.

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You Got: